Never say "I love you", "please", or "thank you". Don't discuss your future and constantly talk about other hot guys. Strut around in front of other men, really put it on right in front of him.Try avoiding his phone calls, e-mails, and instant messages. Have excuses ready like... "oh sorry I couldn't find my phone" - you know the one you keep at your side at all times around himWhen you do talk to him, have nothing to say. Have excited and vivid conversations with everyone else in the room. If you get a phone call, walk out of the room and let him sit there.Say you are busy, act busy like you have a lot of things to do, lots of errands to run, working late or different extra hours, come home extra late, or running late or whatever. Make him wait for you all of the time... never let him know when you will be anywhere near him.Try to pick every little detail and fight with him over it, insult him all of the time. Make sure you take full advantage of anything he does for you and then ignore him. Blame all fighting on him and act like you are so not involved with anything he has to say back.Pull excuses about work or a friend or running an extra errand than you forgot to do and that you have extra dishes and chores and more cooking to do, and if he asks to help you or clean for you or run your errands for you, let him do them and when they are done be really tired from your day and go to bed.Embarrass him in public... talk terribly about him when in a group of friends. Don't over do this, it will make you look like that bad guy. Just one little under the surface insult will reap HUGE rewards later.Have more fun with your friends, family, boss, ANYONE than you do with him, and make sure he knows it.Avoid physical affection. This works best if you have been affectionate in the past with him. A man NEEDS physical attraction - it is what lets them feel emotionally close to a woman. Give lots of hugs, with pats on the back when they are leaving... just to keep them off guard.Most important - just make sure he can't fix anything for you, is always trying to change you, suffocating you one minute and then ignoring you the next. Make sure he is really convinced you are seeing someone behind his back, but then make him feel guilty for even mentioning it.
1. Know what you're looking for in a guy and a future mate and don't settle because he seems "OK". You don't want a guy who's just "OK," do you? No! You want Mr. Right! Start by making a list of good qualities that you want, differences between you that you can work out, and dealbreakers - the things you just can't live with. It's fine if he likes pizza and you don't, or if you think bowling is loads of excitement and he thinks it's a drag = these are activities you can share with other friends, but they aren't fundamental to the relationship. But, if you are a devoted Christian and he is an all out atheist, it probably won't work. Love shouldn't be conditional, and it makes no sense changing who you are for anyone else. Guys can be tricky and if you see particular qualities in them that don't add up with your original plan, GET OUT!! It can only lead to heartbreak in the future. Allow yourself to turn back at the first signs of a shipwreck even if you like this guy a whole lot. It will be better for you in the long run if you can be strong enough very early on to realize that the differences you've already seen will mean the relationship is doomed.2. Don't stick around with a guy who is controlling or manipulative . He can say things like, "if you don't tell me then you don't trust me" or "if you don't go with me then you must not love me as much as I love you". This person is officially a walking time bomb - and this is also a pretty good indication that he is immature and not ready for a relationship. Again, love should be unconditional. Your desire to spend a little time out with your girls one night of the month does not mean you "don't love him enough." (and by the way, a guy who uses this phrase is someone you should run from immediately.) Be your own person. "...the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow", said Kahlil Gibran and, he was completely right. You have the right to remain the same complex person you ever were, and if your "Mr. Right" can't appreciate that, then he is not The One.3. Beware of a rush to lock into a committed relationship; likewise, beware of being strung along with no commitment. If you met a guy this weekend in a club, and within a month or so, you guys are "together," it is likely to end just as quickly as it began. On the other hand, if you've been "talking" and going out with a guy for half year and he hasn't even brought up getting together officially, it's probably not going to happen. A guy who can't pull it together to call you his girlfriend after half year will probably still not be ready to get married after six years.4. Trust yourself. If you're crazy about the guy, but for some reason, your alarm bells tell you he isn't as crazy about you, trust your intuition. Be direct and ask him about his feelings. If he evades or answers with noncommittal nonsense, tell him you are ready to settle down with him and ask if he feels the same way about you. If he can't answer a forthright question like that with something that satisfies you, leave. Get out of these relationships, and fast - it is a woman's instinct that allows her to tell when something is kinda fishy. It doesn't make sense being in a relationship that isn't built on trust.5. Communicate. If a guy speaks to you too much about his past relationships and you feel uncomfortable with it, let him know its bothering you. If he continues to talk about his ex, especially if she dumped him, then break it off. Tell him you're interested, but it's become obvious to you that he needs time to think about whether he is really ready to move on.6. Don't rush into sex. Dating is the way we decide whether this person is right for us. Women tend to view sex as a very intimate act, while men aren't nearly as warm and fuzzy about it. No matter how gorgeous or perfect he seems to be in the first two to three months, you have to remind yourself that you really haven't had a chance to know him deeply. Wait until you really know this man before you share this very intimate part of yourself with him. If, after a month or two, it turns out that, gorgeous as he is, he's not Mr. Right, it will be much easier to let him go if you haven't been sleeping with him. If he pressures you before you are ready, dump him - you need a mature man who is willing to respect your wishes on this important subject (in the meantime, don't tease him - that's wrong.)7. Recognize disrespect as a warning. A man who really loves you will never disrespect you in front of others, especially early in the relationship. While gentle teasing is acceptable, ragging on your flat chest, calling attention to the fact that you've gained a few pounds, or making you the butt of his jokes should be a warning to you. A man in love will not only never disrespect you himself, but he won't stand for others saying rude things to you or about you. If you really want that knight in shining armor, don't accept a vulgar knave who doesn't know how to treat his woman. This extends to his treatment of your friends - if he's calling your bff an "ugly ho" or some other nonsense, that is not respect to you - tell him so, and insist he behave in a respectful manner where you and your loved ones are concerned. And the same goes for you, Miss - don't take advantage of him by making pointed comments about him, either. Verbal abuse is still abuse, and girls can do it to guys just as easily as guys can do it to girls.8. Examine his relationship with his mother. You can tell a lot about a man by the way he treats his mom, and his whole family. If he's too attached, he's a mama's boy and you'll have to deal with his mom as long as you're together. If he's dismissive or rude to her, he's going to be that way with you, eventually. If he idolizes her, beware. You will find yourself trying to live up to that goal that was set by his mother, and that is not only stressful, but impossible. It's about finding the perfect medium, a guy who looks after his mother but doesn't worship or depend on her fully - and by fully, that means things like housing, rent money, food money, car and clothes.TIPS If a guy suddenly stops calling as much as he did and stops fussing over you or wanting to go out, he has lost interest. Don't waste your time crying over spilled milk or trying to reason him back into the feeling the way he once did. Call and let him know you've moved on but most of all be strong and resolute. Show no weakness, you can cry it off later when he can't see or hear. When you decide to break it off with a guy, be humane and tactful. Even if you think he's a loser, don't tell him that. Say that you aren't ready for a committed relationship, or you don't think it's a good fit. Remember, what you do comes back to you and don't be harsh. You don't have to give a dissertation on it, but giving him some reason is better than just breaking it off without explanation. Remember it's important to know who you are before you decide to look for Mr. Right. If you find that you're kissing far too many frogs, take a break and spend sometime putting yourself into focus. A breakup is rarely one person's fault, but sometimes it's good to think back on what you did wrong to find out how you can do better in the future. Everyone out there has a soul mate and there's someone who will love you unconditionally. Be patient and love will come from some unexpected place when you least expect it to. Remember men and women think differently, and relationships call for compromise. There's an important distinction, however, between compromising on the details of a relationship, like whether to have pizza or Chinese food, and compromising your values and beliefs. Pizza is one thing, your faith, integrity, and values are another.
1. Get a life. The most important thing is to be Ms. Right yourself. Finding the right man is not going to change you into a better person than you already are. If you are lazy and self-centered, finding a generous hard working fellow is not going to transform you. If you are boring and a one-dimensional person, finding an intellectually challenging man is not going to change who you are. Learn how to be interesting, kind, caring, and unselfish. Model yourself after women you admire. Work hard at changing your character defects. (If you are not sure what they are, ask your mother!) Become more well rounded. Complete your education. Get a hobby. Volunteer and expose yourself to people who are less-fortunate than you are. Travel abroad and see how fortunate we are in the USA. Learn some humility by volunteering to serve others. Take a listening class. Get some counseling if you need to learn to be assertive or how to share your feelings. If you have some childhood traumas deal with them now, with someone who can give you professional help. Learn to be happy with yourself, first. No man, no matter how right is going to make you happy. You will only be happy in your new relationship if you are happy inside first.
2. Evaluate your physical attractiveness. Not everyone is Ms. America. Nobody looks like the models in magazines. We each have something going for us though. Find out what your best feature is and accentuate it. Wear clothes that flatter your figure. Do not try to be a size 6 if you are really a size 12. Accept yourself for who you are, but don't use that as an excuse to let yourself go either. Some men like a woman with a little meat on her bones, but no one wants a slob. Big can be beautiful if you manage things correctly. If you are overweight, consult your doctor and find out what is healthy for a woman your size. Rather than living up to some super-model or stereotype of femininity you should aim to be all you can. Men want to be proud of their wife's appearance, not embarrassed. Work with what you have: get a makeover; ask a personal shopper at the department store to help you revamp your look. You don't need to spend a fortune, simply plan wisely with a few sharp pieces. Small changes can make a world of difference in your looks as well as your outlook.
3. Know what you are looking for in a man. Here are some qualities to look for in a healthy relationship: common values and similar culture, ability to forgive and be forgiven, ability to be challenged and confronted without defensiveness, desire to raise children, common goals. Ask yourself, Why do I want this relationship? To lose myself? To find myself? To make up for what I lost in childhood? To keep me so excited I can't be depressed? To boost my sagging self-esteem? To be a temporary fix until I decide I want something better? For security or someone to take care of me? To be in control? To show off to my friends that I can get a man? To get my parents off my back? To run away from my responsibilities? To find someone to support my children?
Ask yourself where you want to be in twenty-five years. What type of person do you want to become? How will your choices now influence that outcome? Try to think beyond your nose for a few minutes. Look down the road. Be honest. What does your heart desire? Just a paycheck, children, a companion? What you choose today will have an impact on what you get later. Choose wisely. What looks good now may cause heartache later. What you do now does matter.
4. Rise above past mistakes. You are not doomed to an endless series of losers. You are half-way to Mr. RIGHT by seeing what you have done wrong in the past. You cannot correct something you did not realize was stupid. Congratulations! You are starting to develop humility, which is a good trait. Just don't let it turn into self-pity and low self-esteem. We all fail and make mistakes. We all have things we remember with regret. Unlike us, God is very forgiving when we repent, turn around and are willing to let Him change us. We are forgiven in Jesus. He died for us while we were still sinners, not after we got our acts together. No one is beyond the pale. God loves all of us, even when we do not love ourselves. Forgive yourself. Let God forgive you in Christ Jesus. Open your heart to grace and freedom from shame. You are loved. You can be forgiven. Our heavenly father opens his arms wide to welcome us back when we make mistakes. We can change and grow and become new creations. We do not have to be doomed to failure over and over. Talk to your pastor, or call for Christian counseling at 1-800 NEW LIFE. There are many resources available to help you turn your life around. Do not give up.
5. Talk to your family and friends about the kind of man you want. Who better knows you and the things you need? Ask them for tips on the type of guy they think you need, and don't be insulted when they tell you the truth. They probably know you better than you know yourself. Their feedback could be invaluable.
6. Be open to matchmaker services and the Internet. Is it safe to look there for someone? It depends. Personal ads have been around for years, and the Internet Web pages are just an extension of them. It used to be that only the "desperate and dateless" used personal ads, but now it is commonplace for almost anyone to take advantage of Web pages for matchmaking. You will find categories and types of listings you never thought existed. It seems that everyone is online now, and access can be overwhelming. Some couples have been successful in establishing satisfying relationships with the Web. Others have run into problems all the way from being deceived, to being murdered. Millions of people are online every day and you must be aware that like anywhere else, you will meet all types. Using common sense, and seeking reputable services with good references are the basics when going online. Certainly, never agree to meet someone without proper precautions such as meeting in a public place, and having a friend with you or nearby or who knows where you are going and with whom.
7. Consider blind dates. Why not? Just use the same common sense you would use in dating anyone for the first time. Or ask your friends to invite you and the person they want you to meet to their home for dinner or to a party first. Get to know each other in a group setting, and let nature take its course. Go to public places. Go to coffee after church. Make it light. A blind date is just a beginning. It does not have to be dinner and roses.
8. Look in places where you would expect to find someone with the qualities you value. If you want someone who cares, look at the local soup kitchen and see who is volunteering on Saturday afternoons. If you want someone who is good with kids, look for a coach or a teacher or a mentor. If you want a generous guy, ask yourself: Who in your crowd has a generous spirit? Who shares his Pepsi with you without your asking? Who gives you the seat on the bus? Who goes out of his way for his grandmother or aunt? Who sacrifices his day off to work for Habitat for Humanity? Who works Sundays at the homeless shelter? Who volunteers at the Children's Hospital as a clown? Who shares freely about himself and his needs, ideas, hopes and dreams? Who doesn't care if his generosity is noticed or even appreciated? This is the type of man to look for.
If you want a man of faith you will be more apt to find him in church than in a bar.
If you want a man with purpose and direction in life realize he is not the type of fellow who answers "I dunno" when you ask what he wants to major in. He is not the guy on the street corner who says "Hey, I just wanna party. I don't care about school." This guy has his head on straight and knows where he is going and how to get there. He may be poor, or come from a broken home, but he is determined to rise above difficult circumstances. He wants to go somewhere in life. He believes he has a future beyond age 20 and doesn't want to jeopardize his future. He has a dream beyond living at home with his parents or next week's big party. He wants something more than being "baaad" right now. If your fellow's highest aspiration is getting high on ice, you better look elsewhere.
If he is the guy at the office who lets everyone else do the work, and he takes the credit, watch out. Is he learning more and more in his trade? Becoming more highly skilled? Teaching others? Where is he going?
If you are looking for a man with a sense of humor, keep in mind that just because a guy has purpose and diligence in his character doesn't mean he cannot laugh and have fun. The ability to laugh at oneself and with others (not AT others) is crucial for a good mental outlook. If a person always takes himself too seriously, he will be difficult to live with. Someone who can laugh or chuckle at the antics of a child, who can play with a dog, giggle when ice cream falls in his lap is a guy worth giving a second look. He is obviously not one-dimensional, that is, he is not all work and no play. He can relax and participate with others in activities that delight and refresh the soul. He appreciates beauty and quiet, as well as screaming on the roller coaster at the theme park. He can take a joke as well as tell one. His humor is never at someone else's expense, but he can be clever and witty. Is your Mr. Right someone who seems to be able to have fun without drugs or alcohol to loosen him up? Can he relax socially and can talk to almost anyone? Although he has a gentle manner and is he able to be silly when it is appropriate?
If you are hanging with a bunch of complainers who only know how to gripe, maybe it is time to find some new friends.
9. Expect a human being, not someone perfect. No one is going to be everything you have ever dreamed of. Give the guy a break. You already know that you are not Ms. Perfect. He will make mistakes too. Relax a little and don't be too picky. Allow for human frailty. Look beyond physical attractiveness. You don't want a slob any more than he does, but he doesn't have to be Mr. Hunk either.
10. Be patient. Rome was not built in a day. It may take some time to discover what appeals to you and why. You may make a few friends, and even break a heart or two. You may get hurt. Keep at it. There are good men out there. You simply need to know where to look.